26th May 2009 - another op pending
I cannot believe it’s so long since I last wrote anything. I’m really sorry to those of you who have been concerned that something may have happened to Heidi - I assure you she is full of beans & raring to go!
The operation to remove the growth on her mammary gland is booked for this Friday. Her heart is strong (although the murmur is still detectable) & she is in a totally different place to where she was before the last op, as am I. I no longer wait with baited breath for her bark first thing in the morning, wondering if she’s made it through the night, but I do still relish the sound of it when it slips out from her joyous little body while she waits for someone to come down to see her in the morning.
I have been taking some time out of work to reassess my journey. Many issues have raised their heads in the last month or so & one of them was about trust. I watched Heidi that day; her trust is implicit. If there is something she’s unsure of she runs to me & always has from last November. If I need to do something for her, after I’ve explained it she will let me do anything & will come over when called at the vets, even though she’s feeling a bit wobbly about it she trusts me to keep her away from danger. The level of her trust is immense. Her history is one of broken trust & here she is offering it to me freely & unstintingly, unconditionally. It is never forced, although sometimes she takes a millisecond to consider it, she always comes forward. If my little collie can trust in such a way & live with the consequences of it being abused (in the past) why should I give a second thought to who I can & cannot trust? For today, I trust. If tomorrow that is broken, so be it. I’m going to avoid wasting time worrying about what might be & focus on what is.
I give you all my assurance that if there is any change in Heidi’s health, I will write it on the blog. When she was going through traumas before I found it really helpful to just write it all down, but when things are going well it’s harder to write; “Heidi’s really fit & bouncy. Watched a snail today.” could get a little monotonous! No news is good news here.
Travel well.
R & H x
